After years of listening to me talking about my own personal experiences, a friend of mine has finally decided to give dating a rich man, specifically because of his success, a shot. This is quite a step, as for a long time she has refused to even consider such a thing.
“Men should be judged on their personality, not their pocket book! Who cares what they do for a living? That is so shallow.” These were some of the common phrases I heard from her, as she went from one low-income, career impaired guy to another.
Following a very harsh breakup with a man who she has more or less financially supported for the past two years, she has changed her tune. She admitted that she has always been attracted to successful men, but she was worried about what that said about her. That it made her a bad person because she would prefer a guy with a fat bank account to someone struggling to take her to the Olive Garden for a monthly date.
I understand the hesitation to admit that. When I was younger I had the same feelings of guilt. But over time, I have realized that they are misplaced.
It Ain’t About The Money
The “women be shopping” trope is one that is thankfully beginning to pass from the modern vernacular. Yet, any time you date a successful man, the accusation of being a gold digger comes sweeping in from all sides.
It’s unfair, in particular because it represents a double standard. Rich or successful women aren’t generally seen as meal tickets for the men who end up on their arm. Instead, people focus on the qualities he must have had to attract her in the first place. Whether you believe in the prominence of gender politics or not, the term “gold digger” does more harm than you may realize.
Believe it or not, it isn’t about the money, not directly. Women from all walks of life, at all levels of success, tend to be drawn to guys with some cash in their pocket. They look for men who have stable jobs, especially when they are in higher positions. But it is what that money represents that is the true appeal.
These are the five real reasons that women are turned on by successful men.
They Exude Power
This is probably the number one reason women are attracted to successful men, and not as attracted to those who have failed to find that same success. Competence is sexy, and a quality that draws people in. It shows their ability to overcome obstacles and work hard to get what they want. It sparks an intense respect among peers, and everyone likes admiration both for themselves, and for their partner.
You also have to consider the evolutionary basis behind such attraction. A successful man is the equivalent of a pack leader. Our animal brains register these leaders as strong, virile mates. We feel protected, and bask in the esteem of their position. Someone lower on the ladder isn’t going to generate nearly the same interest, even if they are on their way up.
Power is a serious aphrodisiac. In fact, it’s the number one reason my friend finally admitted her desire to seek out someone successful, instead of the usual average Joe’s (or under-average Joe in the case of her ex). She wanted a winner for once, someone who had already proved himself capable out in the real world.
It isn’t just the draw of power for its own sake that attracts women. Women who already hold their own want a partner who matches their own success. Can you blame them?
They Don’t Struggle
Let’s face it, nothing is sexy about the everyday grind of real life. But most of us have to suck it up, clawing our way from one day to the next in hopes of one day coming out on top. Most of us never even make it that far, instead barely remaining above water.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be with someone who can eliminate some of that stress? Who can provide a simpler, easier life without the exhausting and endless climb? A successful man has moved beyond many of the mundane worries and pains associated with life’s struggles. Especially the financial ones.
Part of this is stability, and we all want to be stable, don’t we? To be able to pay our bills, save for the future, and yet enjoy ourselves? Success is a solid foundation for living that dream. It is a way to escape the fear of the unknown, and have an idea of the certainty of your future.
Life decisions like marriage and children are so much easier when this element of life is covered.
They Show Responsibility
Nobody wants to be with someone long term who can’t be responsible and make decisions that are good for their lives. To be fair, not everyone who has success is going to have a sense of responsibility. If they did, we wouldn’t see so many fall from wealth to poverty, losing careers and bombing their chances at building themselves back up.
But a man who has been successful has shown at least a propensity for having his priorities straight. For every goober who has thrown away the hard work he has put in to get to where he is, a dozen others have held on to their achievements and continued to add to them.
Just take celebrities, for instance. Sure, you have depressing examples of a total lack of responsibility (and mental stability), like Charlie Sheen, or Mel Gibson. These were successful men who lost it all due to their own intense flaws.
Yet, you have plenty of others who have only gotten better. Think of Ryan Reynolds, who had a series of movies bomb, yet has since pulled himself up to become one of the most fantastically famous and sought after movie stars alive. Or Robert Downey Jr, who fell from grace but had enough responsibility in his actions and own life to make a serious comeback.
It’s no wonder successful men are seen as so sexy.
They Stick With Things Until The End
There is nothing appealing about a guy who doesn’t follow through. Broken promises, a lagging career, an unwillingness to bring you the same satisfaction that you bring him…yeah, not good. Every woman wants a guy who is going to get the job done, whether that is in his professional life, home projects, or in the bedroom.
When a man is successful you can be sure he knows the importance of pushing through to the very end. He doesn’t give up halfway, or do a half-hearted job on any task he has undertaken. He wants to do things right, and he will always be nice and thorough.
Of course, this can also be applied directly to a relationship. For those looking for a casual hookup and a bit of fun, it doesn’t matter if they will work on communication, or think in terms of forever. But when you start looking to settle down, you want it to be with someone who has what it takes to go in for the long haul.
They Know How To Build
I am not talking about a man who knows how to build a fence, or an end table (though maybe your guy can, who knows). I mean someone who can take an idea, and turn it into an empire. Someone who knows how to put in the work to get results, and they will follow through every step of the way until they have their final product.
Any man who has found success in his career, for instance, is a builder. He has taken the first steps in his field, and laid down each brick until he has a towering accomplishment. He knows the value of hard work, and of starting from the bottom to reach the top. He knows how to lay a solid foundation to construct something great and lasting.
If someone is going to put in that much effort within their professional lives, it is usually perceived that they will put in the same amount of effort into every other facet of their life.
Getting Past The Guilt
Why do so many of us feel ashamed of our attraction to these qualities? Why did my friend spend so much time with losers, just because she didn’t want to admit that she found successful men more attractive?
Maybe it’s because of the stigma attached. She feels like she is being shallow, and focusing on something that we have been told again and again doesn’t matter. But it does, and there is no denying that a guy who has his life together is just plain hot.
If you are suffering from your own Successful Man Denial, it is time you let it go. We are attracted to accomplishment, power, and stability. There is nothing wrong with that, so relax and enjoy!